retrospection

it is a kind of talent. the demographies of this world must learn how effectively make themselves poor. ( huh i forgot in terms of the seconds of the day they have). it is an art to while away time in a just-like-that manner. thats what i have been trying to do. just while away time in my friend's room asking to burn some CD's. suddenly lotsa people are coming to his room with similar requests. so i am kinda backbenching my requests as it is bound to cause some burn-ass sensation for my friend.
anyways if i dont do this, i just sit in front of the officially allotted at my alma-mater (soon going to be). this pc is supposed to be used to study purposes. owing to time-unbound students like me we have found lotsa other ways to pass our time (or make ourselves poor). we play get bored utter some explosively obscene language. the game we play cOuNtEr - StRiKe. it kinda gives u a feel of killing someone though i am pretty clumsy at that.
meanwhile if iam bored with this i try or sometimes feign to read which i used to do voraciously sometime back. i go to the library pretending to get issued good books that are just added to the multitudes of things on my shelf.

thats it. this is what my life has become in the last four months. i donot say this is agreeably pleasant. but still you have to get past april 26 to get to april 27. wonder if the scientists could invent to help junta like us. to jump back and froth in time. to fast forward it. not to say never to rewind it except for certain occasions.......

juste comme ça - part trois

Ashanti’s song said
“My days are cold with out you, but I’m hurtin’ while I’m here… though my heart can’t take no more I still keep running back to you.”

From a black to a white
"we bout to take that away from you too. first basketball. then boxing. then football.then music. then, to much surprise, tennis. then, to even more surprise and shock, golf.now freaky serial killers.ha!"
.......................................... from a freaky place you never want to go

i am a lunatic
"we all are lunatics , but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher"

an intro for me
"Astrophysicist, round-the-world yatchsman, television presenter. No , I am none of these."

juste comme ça - part deux

" even wrong books outlast their authors" ... from essays on grief and reason , Joseph
Brodsky
that statement captures the infinitive temporaneity of books. well on that strand of thought anything that this human mind produces like one's thoughts, notions, idiosyncracies and well rantings. picture this own blogspot after you and me attain the kingdom of god carrying this huge bulk of worthless blogs in a huge, momentous and really mammoth hard disk. well these blogs are really the outpouring of the few who really blot their lives here on the cyber-ville, in the virtual spaces written in an menacinglyd-delible virtual ink (aha voila the keyboard). anyways such rantings are really going to outlast us, me, you, the person behind (who may blog in the near future) and chaqu'un.

on an "other" note i seem to have discovered that there is no real moment of happiness and contentedness except in the arms of death. just like whats happening nowadays with me. its like a state of being static, being rendered without time. time has no meaning for me these days. its like i have become "ahistoric", without memories.

"we have no past and we think we have no future" and " this present is just like a wind that is blowing but hitherto no one can feel it"

imagine this. i am living in reality which is just a conundrum. i have grown anti-gnostic because i just do not know what to do this moment. what am i going to do the next moment, the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day and the next month....................................

this reminds me of a rather pathetic song in a hindi film

"ham hai is pal yahaaan , jaane ho pal kahaaaan.....
agle pal rahein naa rahien"

adios

problemo

after working with a handsome stipend in a reputed co for the past four months or so my friend/ roommate is now stuck in an awful situation. he and some other scapegoats have been identified to be sacrificed here @ ahmedabad. yes this place has been our alma-mater but given the condition of the city we are just like caged birds waiting to stretch our wings and fly away to the nestles of our home-towns and cities. our college which is soon going to end is situated nearby.(though 4 me it is really unlucky as mes parents recently shifted to b'lore leaving delhi)

anyways they are thinking up all sorts of excuses / ploys / and getaways to really get away from here. to all the birdies that are by chance reading this blog kindly send a wish in form of a comment for my friends and other scapegoats.

to all the birdies of the reputed co who do not wish to stay and rot here in ahmedabad.......

my wishes

to talk

whatever medium you might talk, it always gives me an immense pleasure to talk in an "other" language not just "another" language...... it is always like being a member of a langauge speaking community rather than branding myself as "i know this language". just as an example i have learnt french recently (maybe just a survival kit in french from alliance francaise) but it takes me immense pleasure to say that "je comprends francaise et je peux parle de ca aussi"........

maybe its an innate capability.my father is also a polyglot.....another example is telugu. telugu is very close to my own mother-tongue (ma langue maternelle) tamizh (well for all it is not tamil and very few people can pronounce that unique "zh" phonetic) and i simply enjoy speaking in telugu. often people remark that i spoil and destroy when i do so but they just dont get it.....
to put it very succinctly it is like having a "linguistic orgasm"
it is like people internalise somethings.english is such an example. zillions of people all over the world have internalised english.... so it is nothing but normal for all of them.

maybe speaking in an "other" language may seem awkward but since the process of internalisation has not yet begun so it is comaprable to having sex.... very interesting initially ... and then it gets internalised and then excreted... like the same for me speaking an un-internalised language is like having an orgasm (i still havent one in hetero - mode, though i frequently have it in mono - mode)

nenu ninnu premistunnaanu ------ well find out for yourself.

wonderful

i used to think that i have this wonderful capability to shape things up at the last moment and then say yes now i can tell the tale about that. but thats not so it is really wonderful how people can take tension and then procrastinate not just the work but also the tension or pressure that builds up for the last moment.
but hey then another thing happens. people do really work it up very nicely in the last stages also. this was the thing that i observed last three days.i met three friends who were working on something, rather tediously for the past week yet they had relegate or delegate it. contrariwise they achieved the same the last day in less than two hours of effort. (just imagine a project of temporal dimensions of four months being wrapped up in just two hours of slog)

well thats the way students like me and in my soon going to be alma mater work. we just cannot work until the time has come or there is someone who is always trying to shove a bamboo up our "you-know-what"........

melange

everyday i look for new and creative ways to waste time and money. then i take a look at myself and say
there is nothing coming
there is nothing going

i am just waiting
and be waiting

for an end that i am seeing
then i take a nap.

out of work

till yesterday i had been with screaming at myself for not being attentivetowards my project. well till yesterday it seemed that i had a lot of workto do, lots of catching up to do. (well i met my guide also who fed me thepills of fear, anyways i am doomed i know so it is kind of apathy catchingup on me). anyways i was talking about having lots of work to do. well idid some work (lots at that) did some cooking up and lots of use of facial expressions and lies which i think was perfected unto satisfaction.
but as of now after finishing the work and submitting the work to theguide/prof now i am directionless. in the evening/morning/noons i seem tobe without direction with nothing to do like a lost traveller who forgotto take any maps when he left home.well another thing. due lack of attention and apathy are like a symbiotictuple. and it is true. today after the con-se-quence of the sabbatical ihad taken i find myself taken over by apathy, a grave disrespect for whatis going to happen in the coming days of the completion of my graduation.the long period of neglection (better put evasion) has planted the seeds of apathy firmly in the terra firma of my soul.

here i am
i've just begun
yeah here i am
still going bad
going to be still bad
i'm just waiting for the new day

when i can say
it's a new day
it's a new world
i've been waiting for this........

talk about being ersatz........................

blurring boundaries.......

it seems to me that there is a very thin line of separation between overconfidence and confidence. i must confess (atleast that makes me acknowledge that atleast someone knows about it) that till today i had been what must have been zillions of years behind in my project. i had taken a sabbatical originally planned for a week or so but that soon assumed monstrous proportions in the form of neglect for about a month or so.
my guide (project) is distraught and i had a fight with my friend (although i think that it forms a separate part of my psyché......). but suddenly i find myself at par.i suddenly find myself as if i have gained the knowledge of the lost month of work......i think i have been liberated....

so if this concerns you or reminds the way you also mess things up then tell me is this really over-confidence or an innate faith that things shall shape as and when required........
is this really negligence on my part... or the way things are destined to shape up for me... whether any of these conclusions are true or not this is the way i've been living in my college.
never doing anything till the dagger over my head is ready to tear me asunder.....and i dream the blood dripping tuk...tuk .....tukkkk and then drops my head... well i've escaped many such close shaves..

however if i indeed do this again then i would say

" i have lived to tell the tale"....

go on i am a fan of this procrastination thing......
yipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

nice things said

well today one of my friends commented something that i think is rather remarkable....
it goes like this
"all of our lives are ruled by the actions and reactions (for the want no better word to say this remarkable thing) by temporality of the culture and the mannerisms of people.. in other words we all need a buffer period, to absorb, assimilate and discard, the happenings of and around our lives.....just the time for "IT" to sink in
just imagine if we had no such temporal cushions inherently built into....

Scene I
your mother comes to you and says from this moment on this is going to be your wife.........

Scene II
your boss comes and says to you from the next moment you have to shift to place timbuktu for company operations.......

Scene III
in cases of deaths it does take the 13 days or so (me being hindu) for completely revamping and rejuvenatin yourselves from the loss of the dear one..... imagine this 13 days were not there then what would happen...

of course of rational beings (this cushion seems obvious but owing to the nature of taking things for granted) this time allows for our senses to act or react according to the situation............

moi-même

well this is gonna about me and my idiosyncracies..... not too personal as well...again procrastination has been my most well structured companions that has always landed me in trouble....starting from various issues that one has to deal with in life like deadlines...well for one deadlines are never like anything but dead for me......they are always like a dagger above my head...but still the feeling of escaping them gives a rush of adrenaline into me and thats where the pandora's box opens up......
above all procrastination is good in one way it gives you time (inspite of the assumed shortages of it) to think of other things in life ( like in french de toute façon a la generally) ........
well procrastination and looming around in solitude powers the creative juices of my soul but it has to achieved by overlooking the necessities and the priorities...

all in all you beoome poorer in conscience coz every time you do this you have to override the conscience and in that sense it starts diminishing.....

that means this same till ad infinitum
i do become conscience-less ..... such a thing has other meaningsss.....
i become the utopia i achieve the para ...... the beyond.....

well enough of procrastination for now

gotta work.......

sauver moi

my god these days..... it is very tough to survive in your own shell ..... a photocopy of your microcosm... somebody has to invade it and make it look like a public toilet in India.i have been haunted by such intrusions in two of the best things that internet has ever produced...

premier
orkut

deuxieme
blogger itself

some comments range like an advertisement to enlarge you-know-what........
elsewhere in orkut i get friend requests of people whose life are centred around you-know-what....
and guess their communities are just the extension of this intrusion...

well someone ought to write about the intrusion of the " public privacy " by such you-know-what.....

one requests for such you-know-whats

laissez - moi
s'il vous plait .............................

so much so for the logging and blogging .........

juste comme ça

just suffice to say that i have been on a sabbatical from travail (and thats the new addition to my life day today), read as work.
some random thoughts

" when you donot know anything about something then you can do nothing"

somethings that i have clipped and picked from the live artifacts around me......

"life is like an ice-cream, have it before it melts" .... à la B L A C K

" man kaa ho toh achcha...
man kaa naa ho toh aur bhi achcha..." ...... à la coffee with karan with grande and petit B...


"don't love anything too much, you might lose it.
don't hate anything too much, you might have to live with it"
............. @ aloneinmydreams.blogspot.com

"sometimes somewhere someone misses (loves hates desires ad infinitum) somebody"

"can we have zero entropy"