Ode to an electron

An ode to the electron

A press of hand and

a fleck of light

I see the fans twist by your sight,

I see the faces relax by your sight,

As you reach the positive shore,

You may end there,

But I want more

So I wait for you,

Because,

I can’t do without you.

(Inspired by U2)

An Electron - Confused, Oppressed and more

Confusion isn’t it familiar. Or does it reverberate with aplomb. No one can escape confusion that is its fortitude. Consider this - 50 somewhats suffering from the tyranny of "what to do after retirement", of twenty somethings from the delusions of “their identity, quarter-life-crisis”. Why not lovers of marriage, broken hearted people of relationships. Intrinsically it is the decision of association that complicates the situation, than the certainty of it.

It was the same that day with those electrons. They were lying in their own “shells”, confused of their destination. Hey but you say “why, after all these are just electrons”, if it is so then come to Noida, a Delhi suburb that is threatening to surpass its urban counterpart. Sprawling Malls (hyper-markets should I say), picturesque houses, bill boards, elevators, escalators everything had these electrons. Even they were in the air (hey it was the winter season in Noida then). You know it all relates to power.

Power, doesn’t it sound appetizing. Adults love their power over youngsters, of parents over their children, of rulers over the citizens, of the oppressors over the oppressed, of the civilized (who think they are or seem to have an illusion of) over the barbaric. Of nature over humans (now it is the illusion of mankind it is the other way). It is the electrifying experience of this power that keeps them intoxicated. Oh did I say that power is furthered by ignorance and on reflection knowledge also. The dominated is unaware of the domination by the dominator. But the vice versa holds, that is why knowledge when coupled with ignorance fuels the sustenance of power. If the former realises this fact then you have what the Wachowski brothers created – The Matrix.

It was a helpless day for these electrons. You know they cannot survive without this “electrifying experience”. You say “but, these are just electrons, innocuous, may be naïve and of course they are sub-sub-sub-creatures from where I stand, with a touch of nonchalance”. Then it seems you do not know about Noida. It’s a place where your air conditioner will run only for 5 hours a day. It is a place where you will remain drenched in sweat for the major part of the day and in the night also. Oh such oppression, that too by humans. So if you are like this then picture the position of the electrons. On that day they were left bereft of sensation. No one was there to drive them. Oh yes without potential they say even we can’t do justice to what we do, forget these. Neither the positive attracted them nor did the negative repulse them. Such desperation, such hopelessness, which accentuated the absence of purpose. Their sole purpose of existence was to be driven. But here they were lying dead in their own shells. Yet their fate had decided that day to go for a team outing. Of course you say with whom, take a guess, the bijli wallahs, and they say let’s dump Noida into helplessness, not darkness. At this scale it affected everyone, and please they say these people are not sadists. They are doing their duty, they say. Everything stopped moving, movies broke, escalators stopped, bill boards become just boards and yes the faces started contorting expressing their discomfort and their agony.

Anyways back to electrons. Redemption, relief, moksha they all were seeking it (but so were the others). Pity them they could not even pray (as was suggested by someone named Effusive Electra), because even for that some potential was needed. So we are talking about impotent electrons.

Zzzzz, an hour passes, someone inside says “it is damn hot”, tries to get some air, fails, mutters something, stays away annoyed (poor bloke could not do anything). Then a miracle happens, a finger emerges out of nowhere and approaches the switchboard and presses the second button. And voila, there it was.

And then some one did it “Let there be light”. There was a huge influx of potential, actually these electrons did not know where to go, they were confused in excitement (oh there it goes, I guess it never leaves us alone in certainty), like the way Moses parted the sea. Then they were all walking in line towards the positive (oh now you say “they are optimistic”), what a flow, you should have seen it. When they moved there was light, there was air, there was movement, and there was an eerie, pregnant glow in the instruments, in the faces, oh such profundity. Not only their movement brought glow, they brought relief, to them, and the others. The escalators started moving, the movies started running, the fans started turning and I must say lives started living. And you say “electrons do not matter”. Yes they do only when not oppressed.

Clouds in Bangalore - Update

Well the last photo post was good I felt. Here is an update, more aptly titled, clouds in Bangalore - that bring rain - sometimes yes - sometimes not.
















Singing in the rain eh !!

Three buddies - Bring on the winds. We are ready to dance.

See the storm set in your eyes, See the clouds twist by your side,
I WAIT FOR YOU (Inspired by U2)

All photos, R.Shriram, that's me boss.

Rain in Bangalore - Through my eyes

Yipppeee this is my first photo post. Hope it turns out to be good.

"Ghanan Ghanan"

Dark ominous clouds,clouds that took away the promise of rain -
(Yup it did not rain - pooh pooh)

All Fotos,
R.Shriram (that is me)




That is where I work - MindTree Consulting, Bangalore

Re-vengeance

Well it has been revenge of sorts.After months of vegetating in this awful city of Bangalore I had an opportunity to strike back. 12 Hours of pure bliss and of course a huge hole in my packet. But nevertheless I am not the one who will shy away looking at the costs, though (as an afterthought). Ecstasy maybe one that you experience after taking in 4 grammes of mescalin.

I am talking about movies. An interesting correlation you do not like a movie if it is not sticky (as Malcolm Gladwell would say) or it is too pedestrian. On the other hand if is obscure you will convince yourself that it is good so that you beguile other's into the same trap. It seems the obscure is interesting.

1. Gangster - Pedestrian, definitely not a sticky content nor a contagious music. Although "Bheegi Bheegi" track has had me drooling ever since that awful three hour passage into sleepless boredom.

2. Pink Panther - Some say it does not measure up to the Peter Seller's original. But worth a laugh and a movie that one can enjoy being alone or with a group of parasites.

3. Munich - 7 Hours after Pink Panther, after a dose of good chic meal (with some Bacardi clone called as Alexander's battle cry, which plainly put was good old Bacardi with some coriander leaves and some hung-upon slice of lemon) I must confess this was not a movie to be seen. I dozed off sporadically but was awake enough to appreciate the movie. Not much of an analyst though, but definitely the movie deems a second watch. I probably did not understand it, so I wonder a splurge of 170 bucks (awful costly I say, but what the heck I earn, I can sneak in that under some one's surveillance). True to all what is written here. I bow to thou oh "spielberg".

4. Ice Age 2 - A perfect end to a perfect 2 day long rendezvous with the movies. The movie is absolutely hilarious and whether you are a toddler or a junkie, regardez !!! It is a battle of triumphs, the nut seeking creature-that-I-know-not, or the supposedly last Mammoth who thinks the other way. Another mammoth posing as a possum or under an illusion of the same. It points to me the several ways that people react to a crisis. Stay-on-target types, who say even hell cannot deter me from getting that nut. Those who make dough (a j.d.salinger phrase that I learnt) by propagating doomsday stuffs. Of course not forgetting the Janta who flow along with the water.

I feel some human in me is resurfacing after aeons of dehumanising influences. I shall survive regardless of the dough that I must sacrifice in the process.

Leaving thoughts -
The wrongs is all the right gone awry. However I wonder are all the rights, the wrong gone awry (Negate the negation you get the right)? Perhaps the wrongs have no place in this world as they are just aberrations, which are temporal inconsistencies. Or the vice versa ?

Je ne connais pas.

Perhaps they are just like bullet shots to the body of truth that simply reveal the other side for a short time before the wound heals. The wounds that do not heal become facts or memories, like "Final Solution" or the "Black September". Depending on the side you are in, the victim or the objective world, they lose their character and assume new shapes. Nevertheless to add, conveniently brought into prominence when required for a wider consumption.

Yes I consume truth and lies, rights and wrongs, and of course facts and memories.

juste comme ça - part huit

juste comme ça presents (or rather where i want to save for myself) some thoughts and links that I find a real mention to anyone who reads.

I found these absolute gems from Atanu Dey's weblogs

1. I cry reading this

2. Epitome of solitude and perseverence

These are absolute gems and if you stumble to this obscurity of blogosphere do read them.

Both of these sources are from - Here

FINAL WORD - DO READ THEM

juste comme ça - part sept

Wonderful and relevant of the getting all by money !!!!

For the sake of argument


Do read. Enticing tale from the mundane

MBA and Car Drivers


Must read. A moving letter from a mother to her children

DO READ


ALL FROM - here (I just love it )

"Since our deeply held convictions are rarely deliberately scrutinized, we run the risk of behaving like monkeys." Atanu Dey

FROM -

From Here

Innovation conundrum

A look at the various notable innovations from early 1800 to present day throws up an interesting observation. From the light bulb to the microprocessors to the current era of fullerenes and what not. The scale of complexity has risen to monstrous proportions. Hence as a result a common man (by implication me) cannot make sense out of a new innovation coming out. Today's innovations are built up (to a certain extent) on yesterday's achievements. However the social reach of a electric bulb was larger than the microprocessor and the least being the current baskets of innovations of fullerenes etc.

Here the social reach implies the demography that the innovation seeks out and affects in whatever sense one can contrive up. Today innovations are something that closely follow the alienation path lead by technology. All that pervasive technology creates is its own network of geeks who are comfortable in the tenterhooks of it.

If I had to become a successful innovator (or just try doing it) the magnitude of knowledge that I have to climb is huge. This is so because once reaching the summit I might find my eureka. Therefore a single innovator is deprecated. Group innovations are in. Why so ?
Team innovation offers the baskets of knowledge (that dissect the mountain of knowledge in to small marketable pieces) that can integrated to build up a larger "eureka". Organizations will spearhead the innovation path in the next century to come. (If you notice nobels are no longer single man efforts, atleast in major cases) Human capacity to learn will need to narrowed to be suitable for an innovator.

Other implication one cannot be a know it all. The process of knowing something will itself lend itself to the entire lifetime of an individual. Poly-math, Jack of all trades once searched will yield deprecation only. Furthermore as an aid to innovation, technology will further islands of specialisation. Islands that will have to harnessed in the form of a network, in a decentralised form will be the mantra. As I believe the islands will burgeon and only organizations will have the disposition or ability to architect such networks.

Picture this
YEAR 2055
Kid 1 (5th grader) -- Did you understand that quantum influence in the way the world rotates ?
Kid 2 (a bemused friend) -- Had that S-chro-din-jer (not being able articulate clearly) bloke not said something about unpredictability I would be better off today.

Atleast my kid would not go to schoool. If S/He has to then probably they must know alphabets before they are born or possess a 5% extra stuff in their top floor.

Memes, Google and more

Memes are interesting things. Memes (etymology - to remember), came into popular use with the book, The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins. Simply put memes are the counterpart of genes. They replicate, evolve and spread like genes. However, unlike genes, which replicate by the reproductive processes, memes spread by social diffusion. Memes and contagion are closely related. Memes (as commonly misunderstood are not abstruse thingamajigs) are anything that find acceptance in social networks and spread in a virulent fashion akin to a "virus". Memes may be thoughts, ideas or even technology. Although it is possible that the original thought might be contorted in a way that might not suit the originator. Enough of memes though.

Search engines have existed for long in the web-o-sphere, the oldest being Aliweb launched long time back in 1993. Back in the recesses of early 1990's I-am-doing-a-search was uncommon. Common repositories, books and libraries were the source of information. The scene was ripe to undergo a change with the launch of Google in 1998. So it is not surprising for me (a not so tech-aware user of the web-o-sphere), in 2006 that I-am-doing-a-search is common. Google has now become a synonym for searching.

"A - Do you know what memes are?”
"B - Just a sec. I'll do a Google and tell
you."

Coming back to memes, Doing a Google or just plainly googling, has become worthy of being called as a meme. With the rising popularity of Google and its numerous offerings, the meme called Google is not only common but also the preferred means to search. I could not graduate if there was not a Google by the year 2001. Googling spreads from generation to generation by tradition, cultural practices and of course on-site training, true to the spirit of a meme. Google is just not a story of how a meme unintentionally came out of two Stanford University brains, but how something rudimentary as a search can prioritise and prune the way by which people seek information. Today, I will definitely go to a Google to find what I want rather than peruse among 1000's of books that one can find in a library. Google and the internet are a success story that link information and search, intimately affecting the way you, they and I seek and process information.

Coming to the more part of the title. I find it intriguing that several sites (including this one) do not have an option for the users to specify their g-mail ID's as their primary contact detail. (All they allow is a Yahoo, an IM, or an MSN) Probably that g-mail is still not that popular enough, given the burgeoning number of g-mail users (me being one and g-talk is easy).

Is someone listening?

See further

Memes (an introduction)

Search engines (historical reference)

PS - If I do not have to do it quick and dirty, I use wiki.

juste comme ça - design questions

One of the things that always leave me bemused is the aspects of design and its fundamental principles. Definitely looks like a rather over-creative job that well exceeds my boundaries of creativity.

Read this - A designer's take on Google homepage, intriguing enough

Check out the design psychology page here. Worth reading once.

I do believe that the study of usability (and henceforth design), HCI (human computer interactions) will take the centrestage (aka disciplines in vogue) when site counts exceeds normal cardinalities and people will not take for granted the contents strewn around a web site.

CUT ACROSS – INFORMATION

Information and its barriers

This relates to a profound incident that occurred to me. Somewhere on the demography of the blogosphere, I had literally stumbled on to some interesting yet “restricted” blogs that appealed to my sense of “society”. These blogs had some never-been-seen-or-heard-before views of society, which neither I nor my peer group could conjure up. In other words a culture shock.
However at this juncture, one of my friends (a female one at that) prodded me to forward these names to her e-mail. Not even pondering for an instant, I hit the forward button and sent it. The consequences later dawned on me. Obviously, these blogs are explicit in content and on-your-face, calling sex as “sex”. Nevertheless, obviously, I have learnt to go beyond these stereotypes and that is why these blogs appealed to my intellect.
Not knowing how the “passed-on-information” would be adjudged as, I am in a repentive mood. My bringing up has proffered me (as a male), a right to see and learn about all such media. However, the same upbringing did not temper me to the fact that the same is applicable to the other sex also. Even if I learnt about it, it feels like committing a crime. Here comes the information that virtually leapt at me.
Today internetworked world offers a cosmos without boundaries, without age, without sex, without race to anyone seeking information. Cut across several decades back. Information was in people’s heads and the transfer of information was based on the same criteria that have become redundant in today’s world.
The criteria of sex, race, culture, breed, boundaries whether economic or political pose no threat to the flow of information. Just the prerequisites have changed from notions to capabilities. Rephrased the incumbent must internetworked. Since such a paradigm shift also cuts across the cultural and religious implications of nation-society, now I know why I felt like a "sex-offender".
By the way, I have been referring these two sites all along.

Blogs of a human (I would definitely say that)
http://fifthnail.blogspot.com

Blogs of an industry (It is the voice of that industry)
http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com

Rakhi and Cupids

HINDUISM, RAKHI AND POTENCY

The determination of potency (rephrased as the power of cupidity) among the various age groups of INDIA poses a nice case. Consider the tradition (or ritual) of Rakhi, in which sisters tie a proverbial thread on the hands of their brothers (prospective), in order to ensure their protection. With the coming of westerly influences, such a ritual is becoming subject to sarcasm.

You are aged 5 boy, studying in some school, someone ties you a rakhi (a proclaimed female), you say ah wonderful.
Fast forward – 10 years
You are aged 15 adolescent (still), perhaps on the threshold of going somewhere with more freedom (that is what we used to feel), there is a rakhi on your hand, perhaps in some recess of your heart you feel why a rakhi ???

Fast forward – 3 years
In college, a beautiful dame comes forward and ties the “knot”. Your heart beats almost cringing “not me, not now, not here”.

Well some say it is a tactic, an artifice to avoid potential “propositions”. Ah there comes February 14, now your heart says “puhleese let it be me, please now, please here”.

Contrary and then interesting. Well the clue in the formative years. A child just into the world, introduced to Hindu ways of life, reveres RAKHI.
The child grows up, is exposed to other culturisms. These Hindu traditions little by little fade into the background. Human tendency, anything new is interesting.
The child / adolescent is now getting conversant with the huge ballyhoo about Feb 14, which is like an antithesis to rakhi. In the ensuing fight between a cupid like avarice and the pristine “brotherhood”, cupidity wins over.

The adolescent, now a proud college goer, fears RAKHI. Why? Who will tie the “knot”, how will she be like? If she is quite a stunner, then I have probably lost a potential candidate as my Valentine. If someone does tie the “knot”, the peers would say hey bachchaa; you know perhaps she wanted to avoid you, so she tied the “knot”.
This character is stuck between the pangs of “being single and not having a GF” and that of the potential brotherhood that entails. Eventually sarcasm and a profound fear downs the latter and a new sense of optimism gets into “him”. He feels till the next RAKHI, let me get a female companion and walk the MALL STREET.
In fact the thread of rakhi is now cast in different light. From a desire to have some one to protect “me”, to let me protect “myself” from some one(s).
Interesting !!!!!

Arrogate, can I ???

Wondered ever why ………

I wonder why Almighty did not give me the powers to stop the inevitable.

I wonder why I cannot stop myself from reaching the climax in an intimate lovemaking experience or preventing myself the afterglow that comes as a consequence of making love with the self.

Have you ever wondered why?

Every one of us gets accustomed and move on when we are staring in the face of a souring relationship. But one sight of our loved ones or the ones who are still the darlings of our heart makes us gloomy, reeling in the aftermath of such a contact, making us feel why?

Though I may say, yes I have moved beyond and ahead of my past relationship. However, I stutter, shortchanged of words, rather feelings, when I see her. I ask myself; why I did not stop myself, stay there in that moment of existence. Can I now move back?

Have you ever wondered why?

That stolen glance, that momentary telepathy between her, and me that can make me or break me into zillions of pieces. Pieces that never meld back into original self. Proving sometimes the whole can be less the sum of the individuals. Even

Wondered ever why ?

After all the human body is just not a “tarred” collection seemingly disparate objects. Something that is called as the icing comes as a special offer only that when it comes it is inevitable and can make or break you.

Evidently
By a reeling lover……

juste comme ça - part six

“Wisdom cries out in the streets, and no man regards it”.
Shakespeare, in Henry IV
“A vulture flies high in the skies, but its eyes are perched on the piece of garbage littered on the ground”.
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa

Products of a panopticon

Here is an excellent article that reflects on our (Indian) education system, which mirrors the TRIPOS system in Britain. We all groomed in our schools to be a foucaultian panopticon. But the truth is that we lose the perspective to be single minded in the pursuit of our interests. While it should be valid that we know something about everything, in that process we end up knowing only something about a particular thing.


The Hindu : Opinion / Leader Page Articles : School reform: learning from Iqbal

juste comme ça - part cinq

“You believe in the light because of the darkness, You believe in the joy because of the sorrows, You believe in the God because of the Devil…” ENIGMA (From http://wearmyhat.blogspot.com)

I believe that the above statement captures the essence of existentialism. The belief in self is dictated by the existence of the other. One can avoid any debates by saying that "ah everything in this world is relative". That does not end the matter. Saying that you believe in "other" is because of the "self" (Gramsci) . There is one lacuna in this statement. It assumes the implicit existence of the other. Had the other not existed then your cause of belief is lost. It is like a dangling pointer.

The two sides of the coin are connected by the relationship of Oppression.The oppression of the self, creates the need for the other. Simplifying this, it means that due to the oppression of light, the space of darkness is created. This reminds me of a good line from the film BLACK.

"What is the use of eyes if there is no light" ......
In the absence of light, both the blind and the non-blinds are equal. This is what I mean by oppression. If I may say, if there is no light, then all blinds,non blinds are equivalent to darkness.

-----------The violence of self creates the other-------------

If we see at the flip-side of the same argument. Had there been no light, there is no need of darkness. Is darkness the absence of light ? I do not know. If I say that if there is no light, then there is no need of darkness. Is saying that "there is no light" equivalent to saying "there is darkness".

"I DO NOT KNOW". When I write this write this I get this clarion call from the great philosopher of the yesteryears without whom Sartre, Foucault would be like darkness... Nietzche.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW ..........

Add to this the Neumann principle......

"I KNOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW....."

Going down or turning Page

Reading over the ages has changed a lot. From the days when there was no papyrus to the days when there will be no papyrus. Reading as a concept was popularised with the coming of the printing press. It was the printing press that could make the reading a ubiquitous activity. With the transformation of the papyrus to the stream flow of electrons carrying our fonts and the texts, the way we read has undergone a fundamental change.

The pre-requisite for reading is pleasure. And that pleasure can only be derived from the turning of pages. However in the dog-eat-dog world of today, pleasure has become inversely proportional to the time you have. Therefore we all have to supplement our thirst and quest to read by resorting to the electronic forms. The essential anatomy of reading is co-ordinated from the left to the right. That is why we often feel uneasy to go to captions or footnotes as it breaks this natural movement of eyes from the left to that of the right (Just a note that this does not apply to urdu). Even when we turn the pages of the books it is from the right to
left. Imagine for each page if we had to turn from left to right, we would not be reading anything for the pleasure of it.

However with transport of reading from the left to right to the top to bottom something very fundamental changes. First of all the natural rhythm of reading patterns is broken. That is why we often find it difficult to read in this top-down manner. Moreover books do not have any problems related to that of eye stress originating due to colour or structure of the book. In the electronic forms our eyes are already loaded and irritated due to the intrusion of the top-down mannerism plus one has to adjust the layout of the screen to suit the intensity that can be bared easily.

What used to be referred to as "I have to read 3 pages from Chapter 1" shall now be termed as "I have to read three scrolls from top to bottom". Never were mice so important to reading. Structurally one could the reading is like flow of water. In a book water flows in a continuous manner from the left to right. However in a screen it is like water reaches at the end, then it is re-routed to the next level and so on to the end. Papyrus made using memory as a media of information transfer obsolete. It made information laying and transfer easier.

With the coming of the electronic media the papyrus has/will become obsolete. We all will end up making different meaning by seeing the same set of electrons in our CRT. It is just that these electrons desctruct some natural rhythms and create rhythms of their own. What the electronic media achieves is to break the structure of the book. Rather than make the book look fatter in breadth dimension, it obliterates the entire dimension itself. In these electronic books there is no breadth, there is only length. This is an example of going back. Remember the days when we used to have those lengthy scrolls. It is the same. The e-book is a long book that goes into pages just that organised in a linear fashion.

Suffice to say that - reading earlier used to belong to the three dimensions, now it is just a linear exercise. The tangible feeling that we all experience while reading is now lost. We all are left asking for more, but something at the end we could say yes I read through the entire of this. In other words reading is now de-objectified.

Go down
Down
Down
and down

and if you want
come up

There is no turning back or seeing left or right.

Vacillation !!!!!

Vacillations, indecision and not being able to agree and stand by a single thing. These are few things that all we normal human beings suffer from. Forgive those leaders and managers are already honed to escape from such indecisiveness. Not for us alas.

Ipso facto, technology is also made to reflect this confusion wholly. Just that it just takes the problem to the visual level from inside the human body and the internal thoughts. Just as an example the common Recycle Bin is the perfect example. Often touted or misquoted as a utility to recover all the deleted items. However it is just a application that aids to the same. It is as if you realised that you in a moment of decisiveness had proscribed some artifact and now repenting for that illusory moment of decisiveness. Ultimately you realise that you have to fall back on your in-born trait of being indecisiveness. Here's where the utility comes in and gives you a satisfaction of not being guilty.

De facto technology is not something that humans have to adjust to and internalise them. However they are just the outcomes of the human characters and feelings.Otherwise what would have happened if you did not have the Recycle Bin, i.e. the levels of proscription would have become absolute. The human factor of being indecisive would have been overlooked. Rephrased now the art of being indecisive can be applied to inanimate objects like some worthless MP3 or a .doc file, just that you have 2 levels of abstraction with complete data abstraction from the user.

Few call it usability - I would prefer "indecisive".
Technology is not a vessel that everyone has to figure out how to use, but a mirror in which everyone can see how they are in that light. UGH

juste comme ça - part quatre

"By the end, he didn't trust anyone any more - not even the cyanide capsule he swallowed."...
ERNA FLEGEL - Adolf Hitler's nurse before he died..

Long after hiberrrrnation....
"You can take an .Indian out of India. but not .India out of an Indian.."
Dr R.A.Mashelkar @ IIIT convocation

Good one
"Career planning is an oxymoron, in case you did not realise....."

The anthropic principle
Says that all the cosmic constants were created in just the right proportions and ratios. However this sparks off a debate that creationists often find suiting themselves.
" It was God who tweaked all the knobs that created the cosmic constituents."
One relevant question arises -
"Who tweaked the knobs of the G"....
Interesting. Scientists like Hawking adopt a perception that there are multitudes of universes with different values of the cosmic constituents. Ah but then are there multiple G's that tweaked the knobs in that proportions.

I think Neumann knows the answer to this ....
"I think that he thinks that I think ........ ad infinitum"

being and nothingness

this is not an ersatz exercise. but that is how i am feeling now. i am now being perturbed by a momentous but really sombre feeling of having nothing to do in life. till now i had something or the other to do in my life. till 23 i had to submit a report of my final year in my graduation. till yesterday i had to give a presentation to give. though during that one i was confused whether i portrayed the guts to speak honestly or was trying to manipulate the judges to my private interests. but anyways now it is all gone.
till the moment before i am writing this i had to mend a broken relationship with a friend. unassumingly i have to submit to the fact that this might be the last chance to make or break the friendship. so that is also done now. therefore now it is like i am "being lived" in an etrenity of nothingness. perhaps my body says and agrees pleasantly to the fact that now atleast it can indulge in the otherness that we associate with life. but the soul demands emancipation from the oppression of the nothingness that is enveloping the existence of it.

anyways however the things are gone. now is the time to recollect and relish the memories that have built up with the four year stint at this college. whatever that may be memories are always cherishable.......

i am just feeling like a cry baby and want to break down and shed tears that would make even the Amazon shy away.

ALAS....